“but i love you on your bad days when you’re moody and irritated, just as much as i love you when everything is going well.”

I don’t know what I did to deserve the cold treatment. What did I even do? You won’t tell me why. But remember that I will always be here even in your darkest hours. I will accept your being moody and try to understand you more. I promised to be patient with you because I like you and I don’t want to have an argument. But please remember that these feelings won’t ever change. Your flaws, your deepest secrets, your scars, your insecurities. I like them all. I accepted you fully – no reservations but in all forms. Never question your worth. Never define who you are just because of the things other people say about you. Trust yourself because I trust you fully. I may not be in love with you yet but I’m almost there, just one push left but help me, help me realize that you are worth it. Help me understand that everything’s going to be alright. That if I will take a risk, you will take it with me. Let’s jump. To the void. To this uncertain phase of our lives and make it certain. Be the person that will make me believe that there is still certainty in this world full of doubts and uncertainty.

I shouldn’t be doing this right now. I shouldn’t write about you – the things we do, memories we share, sweet words and the feeling I get when you touch my hand and intertwine with yours, no, I should stop. Words don’t die, they never fade away. These words I will be writing for you won’t disappear even if you will – just like my feelings. But I’m doing this for my sake, for my own sanity and for my heart.

I am not lying when I say that I haven’t moved on.

I thought I already did but I’m not even close.

It’s still you.

Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how because I don’t even understand.

I don’t understand how a simple smile caught my heart again.

I don’t understand how much I love your hair when it’s long and when your bangs are covering your eyes and when you flip it, I’ll almost die because of how cute you are.

I don’t understand why I keep on missing you when I see you everyday.

You look so close yet you aren’t within my grasp.

Why did I ever let go of such a fine man?

Tell me, have you ever forgiven me?

For what I did to you months ago, for when I left you without a good enough reason.

Have you forgotten it?

If not, please.

Please forget.

Forget all the pain I’ve caused you.

Forget everything.

And most importantly,

Forget me

So I can forgive myself.

For leaving you hanging.

For not trying too hard,

For not being brave enough to take a risk.

For not holding your hand tightly.

For not loving you as much as you loved me.

For not being good enough.

How To Make Your Med School Life Better

Èclat

Well, surprise, surprise! A how-to-med-school guide from a med student!

Practically in all the online articles and blogposts I’ve read describing life in Medicine, authors never fail to mention some of these things about med schooling: that it’s no walk in the park, that you will soon have an existential crisis and question why you wanted this in the first place, and that, more often than not, you will feel alone and miserable as you witness your former colleagues and non-med friends step up in life with their overseas travels, new cars, houses, spouse and kids…while you’re just here sitting in front of your desk, laboring the days and nights away poring over Robbins and Harrison to memorize disease names you can’t even spell, wondering if getting that MD title after your name is ever going to be worth all the sacrifices you’re making.

While all those said articles could go on…

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75 Bible Verses That Got Me Through Med School Exams

The Glory of God is Man Fully Alive

I must confess that during exams, I sometimes find myself spending less time with God.

Tired from hours of cramming, I start getting too tired to spend time with God after a long day’s work. I begin to lose my priorities. I unintentionally pack my days so full with study that there’s no room left for him. Before I know it, my usual routine of setting aside time for the Lord each day flies out the window. It’s not an intentional decision to turn from God… but an insidious process that happens when I lose my priorities in the face of looming barrier exams.

Library (derived from Flickr (Friar's Balsam) http://flic.kr/p/82ipB5)

But every year when this happens, one particular verse comes back to me and grabs my attention. It is a famous one which has been the recurring theme of my medical school life for the last five years:

Matthew 6:33-34
Seek first his kingdom and his…

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The Raven by Patrick Carman

Date finished: February 2, 2013

5/5 STARS!!!!!!

**spoiler alert**

It hurts to face the fact that I finished the series already. I’m gonna miss reading the whole series. It’s more than amazing. It met my high expectations and sometimes it even exceeds!! I’m gonna miss the characters especially Gladys Morgan. Lol kidding! But seriously, I feel like the story is part of my life already like I’m also part of the whole mystery thing.

So just a quick summary of what happened, Sarah had a very let’s say, fantastic ghost hunting trip. She stayed at haunted hotels, dug graves during midnight, waited for ghosts to appear and the scariest of all? Letting someone die in your arms. On the other side, Ryan is HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE. Who am I kidding?! He’s dying because of boredom in the fly shop, he can’t go out and join Sarah on her wonderful trip so instead he just searched for clues and tried to survive every night because the Raven is following him, watching his every move. Let me just say that I was very shocked at the ending. I didn’t expect that that thing would even happen. “INVOKE THE CLAUSE!!”. It just came back where it all started. They also became the Crossbones. Fantastic right? For those who read this, I’m sorry for the spoilers. :3

To tell you the truth, Im not a fan of stories full of mysteries but like I said before, this book changed everything. Patrick Carman, I really salute you for making this. Bow down to you author. Wish you could make another series just like this.

A very fail review for an amazing book. Forgive me Patrick Carman. I really adore your books, you made me love mysteries. 

The Crossbones by Patrick Carman

Date finished: January 30, 2013

5/5 stars 🙂 🙂

**spoiler alert**

Just like the first two books, I also have high expectations on this book. It’s all because of Jessica (the one who recommended this). She said that this book is greater than the second and so on and so forth. She was somehow spoiling me while I’m reading this. But the book met my high expectations. Even if I was spoiled, the book didn’t fail to surprise me and to give me goosebumps. The whole new adventure is really amazing. I don’t know how their minds work but they’re awesome. Ryan and Sarah. It’s a great book, really.

While I was reading this, I wished that I had a bestfriend like Sarah. I want to have an adventure like theirs but I’m too afraid to dig a grave during midnight. HECK NO!!! I’m not as brave as Sarah you know. Another thing, I was really suspecting Fitz. I know that he won’t bring any good to Ryan and I was right cause his father is the effin raven. Unexpected things happened and I’m looking forward to the last book. I don’t want to read the last book cause I don’t want this series to end. I am so addicted to it already. Mystery is not my type of genre but this series made me eat my words cause now? I’m so inlove with mysteries. 😀

Ghost in the Machine by Patrick Carman

Date finished: January 20, 2013

4/5 Stars

First of all, I made this review two years ago and it was quite lame. Sorry Patrick, my review didn’t really gave justice to your book. Your book was awesome, makes me wanna read it all over again! 🙂

**spoiler alert**

This book is very unpredictable. The twist and turns of events was unexpected. When you’re reading this, you’ll never know what’s going to happen next and that’s why I liked this book, it makes you want to read and read and never stop. I didn’t realized that it was Henry all along. I was suspecting that it was Ryan’s dad or gladys. I mean, Henry is a nice guy and everybody in town likes him so I didn’t even suspect him, even a little bit!! I got so irritated at first because I really like Henry’s attitude, he’s so friendly, so fun to be with and then poof, he’s the mastermind. :3 I was really surprised when I read the ending. I don’t know what to expect on the third book cause I feel like the series has ended already because the mystery was already solved. But yeah, I will still read the third book. 🙂

The Iron Queen by Julie Kagawa

Date finished: February 23, 2013

5 of 5 stars. Well, I think 5 isnt enough. It has to be infinite. Well, words aren’t really enough to describe how SUPERB this book is. HOW AMAZING the world of fey is! This has to be the most unpredictable book ever. Every chapter has its own twists and turns. I had mixed emotions while reading this book. Julie Kagawa didn’t fail to impress me and fascinate me with the world of Fey.

BRIEF SUMMARY:

The story started when Ash and Meghan got exiled from the Nevernever. But still, the Iron King, or should I say the false king, is still interested with her. Meghan then decided to go away, to leave her family so that she can protect them. She can’t bear lose her family because of some stupid Iron Fey. Then that’s the start of their journey. King Oberon and Queen Mab made a proposal in which they’re gonna lift off their being exiled if Meghan can kill the iron king. She’s lucky, really, for she has Ash and Puck by her side. Despite of Iron being the weakness of the two handsome fey, they still fought for her. Side by side. And they made their journey towards the Iron Realm and met a few rebels. The story continued where the some of the rebels and gremlins work hand in hand to fight off the terrible iron fey.

Let me just say that it was a nice technique to not say who the false iron king is during the first chapters. It was a very nice mystery that unfolded on the last two chapters. I was too blind to see that Ferrum is the Iron King. I actually thought it was Rowan. Forgive me for not seeing that one coming.

I loved how Julie made this book entertaining. The characters developed very well and Meghan? She’s fantastic. She’s still stubborn though but she became intelligent and became aware of what’s happening and what she’s supposed to do. I was glad to know that she wanted to learn how to fight. That is probably the most intelligent thing that she did. Meghan did really mature. She had made decisions and sacrifices that will protect and save everyone. I cried at the last part when she decided to die just to save of all Nevernever. Just to save Ash, the love of her life, and Puck, her ever loving best friend, and all of the faeries.

“My name is Ashallyn’darkmyr Tallyn, third son of the Unseelie Court…Let it be known–from this day forth, I vow to protect Meghan Chase, daughter of the Summer King, with my sword, my honor, and my life. Her desires are mine. Her wishes are mine. Should even the world stand against her, my blade will be at her side. And should it fail to protect her, let my own existence be forfeit. This I swear, on my honor, my True Name, and my life. From this day on…” His voice went even softer, but I still heard it as though he whispered it into my ear. “I am yours.”

That has got to be the best line ever!! I was so focused and serious while I’m reading. Indulging every line, every word in that book then I suddenly came across that VOW. I was like


Okay okay. I fangirl-ed so hard! Ash was fantastic. He was so loyal and you could see how much he love Meghan. He sacrificed everything for her. He even got exiled! I want someone to love me as much as Ash love Meghan. Well seriously, you could feel Ash’s love towards Meghan. I was delighted when I heard him saying I love you directly to Meghan. That has got to beeeeeeeeee one of the sweetest line in the book. And of course, saying to Meghan that, she’s his life, his existence, his everything. Gaaahd, fangirl-ed so hard!!

So for Robin Goodfellow. Hey there Puck! You made me cry. You’re a tearjerker you trickster. I cried when he was hurt so much. I can feel his pain. He lost a lot. He lost Ariella to Ash and now he lost Meghan to Ash AGAIN. For the second time around. He’s so loyal to Meghan, even fought for her just because he loves her so much. He got exiled because he wanted to protect Meghan. Ugh. If I was there Puck, I would have loved you.

Am I confusing everyone? I’m on both teams but there are times when I’m on Team Ash more often that I’m on Team Puck.

Hehe last major character, Grimalkin. I hate you cat. You irritate me! I don’t know how those three can stand you. I know you’re smart and YOU”RE A CAT but there are times that I just want to strangle you to death. I’m sorry Grim but you’re very helpful, though. :3

So to finally end my silly rantings, I would just like to say how EPIC the ending was. Didn’t expect that to happen. It was shocking, made me shake while reading this book. So to satisfy my green mind, I will tell you something. I was kind of laughing out loud when Ash and Meghan did it. I mean, seriously, HAHAHAHAAHA. Still can’t get over. Meghan initiated it. Oh God. HAHAHA! She’s just so weird sometimes. So back to the ending, I cried a lot. SHED A LOT OF TEARS BECAUSE OF MEGHAN AND ASH MOMENTS. Saying Ash’s true name so that Ash would live. God. :((

So all in all, this book deserves infinite number of stars. I love you, Julie Kagawa!!

The Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Date finished: November 2013

5/5 STARS

**contains spoilersssss**

Goodbye Peeta, Goodbye Katniss, Goodbye Gale, Goodbye Hunger Games..
I’m so thrilled, happy, sad, longing and wanting for more. I just can’t believe that I finished the trilogy already. Ugh, I will miss everyone, though. Well, the book gave me chills, scared me and even made me cry. Didn’t quite expect the sudden turn of events. I hate how Peeta wanted to kill Katniss badly. Katniss protected her. She even asked Coin to give Peeta immunity and everything. Gahd. But since it’s not really Peeta, it’s the hijacked Peeta who wanted to kill Katniss, he’s totally forgiven. Bias alert!! Hahaha. So the books was full of Katniss being depressed and being unstable. ((kidding)) But yes, half of it was. It’s really heartbreaking and at the same time wonderful to know that Katniss is longing for Peeta. It’s just like shouting to the whole Panem how much she love Peeta. YAY FOR TEAM PEETA!!!!! Going back, this book contains heart-wrecking and unforgettable deaths. Prim’s, Finnick Odair’s, Boggs’. It’s just so sad and Prim? Poor Prim. She’s just so cute, so gentle, so fragile and the effin Capitol or who knows who killed her. Gahd. Made me cry so hard. I still have questions to asked though but I don’t know whom to address it to. Hoho. The ending was not enough for me, I need more Peeta-Katniss moments!!! But yes I’m partying hard because the two got back together and even married each other and had cute kids ((I can imagine that they make pretty cute babies)). But Gale.. maybe I’m not on his side but I think he and Katniss needs a closure, like a simple talk maybe, a bestfriend kind of conversation wherein Katniss explains that she loves Peeta more or something like that. Gale is a good guy and I really think he needs this kind of conversation but he really has to move on.. Gale can find someone.. Someone like me? Nah kidding!! Hahaha. But yes, he’ll find someone… someday. And as for Annie? I hope she gets stable even if Finnick is gone. Hay.

SO YES I HAVE GIVEN A FAIL REVIEW AND I JUST RANTED AND RANTED. HAHAHAHAHA FORGIVE ME!!

Cheers for me!! This is the first novel I’ve read since the sembreak started. I know, I know. I’ve been lazy and I’ve been a couch potato for more than a week. I didn’t do anything productive except for today so yes, I’m beyond happy. To be honest, before I started reading this, I had a debate with myself whether to read this or the City of Ashes first but I remembered that the movie adaptation of Catching Fire is drawing near so I decided to read Mockingjay first. My reason didn’t even make any sense. ((lol))